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Artwork by Bill Sanderson, “Dna In All Living Things”

I am wishing to say one thing,
Incessantly telling another,
My faculties
Daft.
Am I slipping in my mind, forgetting
Or only now remembering?

What is that
Spilling over the earth’s edge?
A brilliant photon refracted,
Curled around a particle
Repeatedly
Illuminating The wave?

The wave!
Oh I, am zealot. A drumbeater forever
Preaching from a state of perpetual desire.
The wave! The wave!
No, not The wave! A wave.
A wave of utter realization.

Is all My life a mirror?
Is the world not dark,
Waiting blank like paper
My eternal mark, sparking the Big Bang?
Is it not forsaken,
Am I not marooned for your secret keeping?

Am I beginning?
Or only a dimming past?
Ghosting and milky,
One among a collection of shards —
A Broken sparkly
Looking glass.

You are not the moon
Towing me under again.
The clouds don’t know Me,
Dumbly,
Passing over Me.
Or is it Me, deaf?

No, I pray beneath my finely woven Hat,
Beached in defiance of the sun’s light,
Begging notice from the clouds.
A seagull
Crying
What about Me? Me? Me?

Headlong against an amniotic wave.
I am shelled in determination
Without Grace.
My feet claw for the sand.
When, just this morning
Did I become so crabby?

Generation after generation
Woven
Wrung out like a tight rope
Now unraveling,
Spilling a design.
Blood bursting through arduous veins.

Nerves on end, spidering outwards,
Grasping at sticky webs.
Thoughts spinning in circles,
Why, why, why?
Rorschach,
Instead of The perfectly replicated double helix chains.

i am me watching Me.
i am not a bottled message of chemicals
Reacting
As if
The Earth’s turning
Was an unforgiving mother shaking me loose.

Instead,
i am collected in
The smooth sand sound
Shifting from particle to wave,
Wave,
Wave.

I am a quantum entity.
Barely,
Hardly, to almost no degree,
A part of the equation,
And still
i am.

March 11, 2017

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db7b9fcb75c30e87bc8235fb6e9a8d32“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.” J. Hendrix

We are halfway through the moon cycle and headed towards the full moon in Capricorn on July 19. Things are about to change and we will all best benefit by leading in peace. As we head towards the full moon there is a strong current of feminine energy to help us all prepare.

So let’s get this straight and out of the way. Everyone has or has had breasts; like femininity, they are not gender specific. This brief anatomy lesson reminds you of something you already knew. You, like everybody, have access to, as well as a store of, feminine energy. It is that self-confident, inner strength that is not only receptive and magnetic, but inspires such.

It reminds me how often we humans say, “I just want to feel loved.” It reminds me how often we can feel that desire, that longing. It is not something we just think or say; we feel it deeply. Right between the breasts at the heart center.

If you would like, you can move with this feminine energy all week to prepare and embrace the coming change.

1. Employ feminine energy. Put it to loving use. A kind word to the cashier at the market. Holding the door for another. Sharing joy through laughter.

2. Appreciate a respite from the predictable in favor of following your own intuition. Consider doing something different.  Follow your curiosity.  See things from the perspective of an ant and then a giant.

3. Prepare to receive what your life is soon to offer you. Expect that it will be fruitful no matter. Embrace the perfection of how seemingly imperfect life can sometimes seem. Recognize that it can seem that way until your misconception of it forces you to see it differently.  Then marvel that it can seem perfect again.


In the midst of what you see as problematic, it can be difficult to recognize the opportunities. I can help you discover a new way of thinking that will assist you in managing and negotiating life’s obstacles. You will find that this new way of thinking provides you opportunities that you hadn’t previously noticed as well as affords you the confidence and desire to live your life in the driver’s seat.

Tami Satterfield, MSW, LCSW-C, NBCCH, HTP is a licensed psychotherapist who practices solution-oriented healing from a deep ecological perspective. Her specialities include hypnosis for anxiety, performance, and creativity. Sessions on-line or in Boulder, Colorado include cutting edge brain therapies that will change the way you think. Learn more at attentiontoliving.com

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How do you write about something that people are afraid to see? How do you expose an undermining, but insidious, practice? How do you change peoples’ minds? How does a civilization heal from the wounds of abuse?

The enigma – millions of survivors of sexual assault with few incarcerated offenders – begs the question:  where are all the rapists?

The legal definition of violence is changing, but is our legal definition of violence our best choice for guiding us in living wholesome lives? Historically, our culture has afforded greater power, material gain, and informal benefits through power structures, cultural practices and systems that favor the idea of masculine superiority over feminine competence.

Masculinity, like femininity, is a social construct. Both identify themselves through manner of speech, behavior, gestures, social interaction and defined roles that include divisions of tasks. While these constructs have widened in definition over time, their mere existence supports a defense of one in favor of the other, and ultimately has produced hegemonic masculinity which shelters the practice of rape and rapists.

Hegemonic masculinity is a cultural idea that is impressed and internalized by the population as the ideal masculine expression. It includes such attributes as heterosexuality, emotional restraint, toughness strength, aggressiveness, competitiveness, and achievement-orientation. Hegemonic masculinity has allowed these attributes to dominate the cultural idea of man and, therefore, woman. A hegemonic picture of a man might look like the easy-going all-star football player, or the select all American ivy league with academic excellence, or the high-powered executive with social privilege. While only a small percentage of the population will embody this picture, it nonetheless becomes the cultural ideal and is reinforced more symbolically then literally. Such symbols have great authority and inform decisions such as how a person who has acted in violence shall be treated informally and formally, as well as how one on whom violence was perpetrated will behave informally and formally.

Therein lies the answer to the question: where are all the rapists? They are among us. Sheltered in our cultural construct that supports gender hierarchy, emphasis on the agency of one gender over the others, and high recognition for stereotyped masculine behavior that leads to privilege and power.

Won’t you consider gender democracy for the sake of a safer, saner world?

Tami Boehle-Satterfield, MSW, LCSW-C, NBBCH, HTP, a licensed psychotherapist in Boulder Colorado at attentiontoliving.com has challenged herself in 2016 to post weekly about the unpopular topic of abuse. Learn more about Tami at attentiontoliving.com

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I saw them coming,
A display of wondrous white balloons.
My anticipation stepped up,
Curious
Like a child, for the floating sound of a far off marching band.

Magically,
They were before me.
Whimsical
White-haired puffs –
Fair mothers, every one of them,

Rhythmically marching on a current air.
Ancient majorettes traveling festively,
Widespread
Twirling their batons
And alluding to cartwheels.

Each a soft note in showy song
That made up a mystical show.
Grand birds,
Covered down and dressed right,
Descending some ancient world.

We were ridiculously charmed.
Hypnotized as we stood facing the sun,
Palms lifted high with the desire to touch one of those sacred feathers.
Our jaws fell open like peasants bowing to an esteemed troop.
We were inflated with joy.

A swell of them billowed past me,
Ghosts with soft, silky white plumes
Belly full and swelled up with life.
Their ceremonial movement
Paraded right through me.

Heads turned,
Witnessed
The dandy strangers parachute to the ground
And disappear, as if they’d never emerged
From the sacred loins of the Cottonwood tree.

6/18/2016
Tami Satterfield, MSW, LCSW-C, NBCCH, HTP is a licensed psychotherapist who practices solution-oriented healing from a deep ecological perspective. Her specialities include hypnosis for anxiety, performance, and creativity. Sessions on-line or in Boulder, Colorado include cutting edge brain therapies that will change the way you think. Learn more at attentiontoliving.com

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How do you write about something that people are afraid to see? How do you expose an undermining, but insidious, practice? How do you change peoples’ minds? How does a civilization heal from the wounds of abuse?

I cried when I read the letter.  The letter the courageous and intelligent woman wrote in response to a recent rape verdict in California.

I can’t even count the number of times I have been sexually harassed or violated. I never stopped to think about it. I never took the time to collect them up and consider their effect upon me. I didn’t want to. When I try now, I remember things I have forgotten, but surprisingly the forgetting of them hasn’t lessened their emotional response in my body. There was the time when I was 13 at a car dealership, there was the time I was 21 in my own apartment, there was the time I was 25 on a downtown street in Baltimore at 4 in the afternoon, when I was dressed in a suit to attend a meeting with the Mayor’s office. Then there is a splattering of random times; lewd remarks and gestures, condescending comments concerning my sexuality, unwelcome touch from people I didn’t know in public places. And still other times.  Times that I am still not comfortable enough with to strike the keys of my computer, to put the letters together to form the words that would make up the sentences of accounts as much as 0ver 40 years ago, but still too fresh to admit.

Yep, my chest is tight. I feel the emotion at my face and I steel myself against tears. It sucks to feel so vulnerable. It hurts to remember being violated simply because someone felt it was their privilege. Why does this happen? This question is most often answered with silence.

In my silence I have been complicit. I have been afraid to admit out loud the things that have happened.  Once at a slumber party, a brave girl told about how someone had hurt her.  A circle of 15 year old girls on sleeping bags stared silently at her until one girl said, “Oh that just happens,” and another echoed her and added, “Don’t make a big deal about it.”  Those girls, like me, perpetuated the silence.  All of us afraid of being judged, afraid of the shame of either what had happened or that we didn’t know how to make it not happen.

Some girls made sense of those experiences by playing them out and crafted their identities around them, some relinquished their senses of security in the world and drew themselves inward, and others, few and unfavored, found ways to speak out against such trespasses.  Honestly, I suppose I have done all three, but where I ended up feeling most whole was simply in the silence of it.   Best to forget about it, best not to make a big deal about it, best to believe it never really happened.  Even now writing this, I fear judgement and criticism.  And not because I have held my tongue, but because I dare suggest that I was hurt by someone’s forward or invasive advances.  Despite being a mandated reported and a trained mental health professional, I still feel doubt about the truth of what I am writing.  “Really?”  Some part of me challenges, “I think you are making this into more than it is.” But I am not.

I remember a discussion after work with a group of coworkers, that led to a particular revelations about the social worker who directed the children’s program at a domestic violence shelter. “You were raped,” we told her and she looked like she was only first learning it, even though a high percentage of the very children she helped had been assaulted themselves. Denial, at first an ally in trauma, but in time an obtuse, thick cloud that distorts our own perceptions about ourselves.

I want to say that while silence allows the perpetration of sexual violence, it is not the cause.  The cause lies in our deep rooted sense of entitlement.  Our percieved right to lord privilege of power over people, animals, and the planet completely destorts our understanding of love and respect.

I cried when I read the letter. I want to tell her that I am deeply sorry for what happen to her and for my small, but significant part in the silence that allowed her to be hurt. I want to say how brave she is, and that I am grateful for and respectful of her strength.  I admire her.

I was raised in a different generation. While the Women’s Movement provided me permission and modeling for speaking out about my right to dignity, I hadn’t been programmed that way. Sex was not a topic for discussion, even as it pertained to procreation.  Sex was alluded to as a woman’s duty.  It was a practical responsibility that straddled a razor-sharp distinction between pleasing a husband and falling into a gutter. Raised Catholic in a small midwestern town, normal feelings of sexual interest or pleasure were diminished to sinful perversions. A female body was either chaste or dirty.

But still, while that does inform my silence, I am over half a century old.  I saw Jodie Foster’s brilliant performance as Cheryl Araujoas in the 1983 gang rape movie called The Accused.  I watched the 1991 televised testimony of Anita Hill.  As a professional and as a woman, I have heard countless stories of sexual violence from woman, men, girls and boys.  I suppose what matters more than my silence now, is joining in with the many voices out there like the young woman who wrote the letter.  She was quoted saying, “This is a reason for all of us to speak even louder.”  And it is.

What is your story?  If you want, tell your story here in whatever way you like. Only this time, we won’t believe that, while the thing that happened is not normal, to talk about it is. It is normal to feel afraid, angry and sad when someone hurts you.  It is normal to tell other people when you are hurt.  It is normal to expose the person who hurt you.

Tami Boehle-Satterfield, MSW, LCSW-C, NBBCH, HTP, a licensed psychotherapist in Boulder Colorado at attentiontoliving.com has challenged herself in 2016 to post weekly about the unpopular topic of abuse. Learn more about Tami at attentiontoliving.com

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How do you write about something that people are afraid to see? How do you expose an undermining, but insidious, practice? How do you change peoples’ minds? How does a civilization heal from the wounds of abuse?

Global research on non-consensual sex and teenage pregnancy found that cultural prioritization of male sexual pleasure contributed to the rate of teenage pregnancy. Studies showed that young women are subject to emotional pressure and manipulation to consent to sex, and experience high levels of sexual violence including coercive control that limits a teenage girl’s ability to retain autonomy over her sexual intimacy or her use of contraception.

The international evidence found direct links between teenage pregnancy and non-consensual sex with two strong predictors:

1. history of childhood sexual abuse and;
2. current intimate partner violence.

The study concluded that the cultural norm of a male’s sense of entitlement is directly related to teenage pregnancy rates.

Tami Boehle-Satterfield, MSW, LCSW-C, NBBCH, HTP, a licensed psychotherapist in Boulder Colorado at attentiontoliving.com has challenged herself in 2016 to post weekly about the unpopular topic of abuse. Learn more about Tami at attentiontoliving.com

How do you write about something that people are afraid to see? How do you expose an undermining, but insidious, practice? How do you change peoples’ minds? How does a civilization heal from the wounds of abuse?

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Adapted from Wikipedia

January 1978 is the first reference of the term ‘rape culture’ in national-level American politics.  Rape culture describes a particular society where rape is pervasive and normalized due to societal attitudes about gender and sexuality.  Behaviors commonly associated with rape culture include:  denial of widespread rape; refusal to recognize the pervasive harm caused by sexual violence; sexual objectification; trivialization of rape; and victim blaming. Research suggests that rape culture is prevalent in cultures where discrimination, such as racism, sexism, homophobia, ageism, classism, and religious intolerance – to name only a few – are practiced.

The United States of America is alleged to be a rape culture.  What do you think of that?

Tami Boehle-Satterfield, MSW, LCSW-C, NBBCH, HTP, a licensed psychotherapist in Boulder Colorado at attentiontoliving.com has challenged herself in 2016 to post weekly about the unpopular topic of abuse. Learn more about Tami at attentiontoliving.com