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We are over the new moon now, or, as Pink Floyd sang in 1973, the dark side of the moon. Now is a good time to take care with your communications. In fact, with the influence of Virgo you might even say it is critical. Let Neptune help you connect to your intuition and communicate what you might be scared of admitting.

Lately, much has been coming up around relationships. This can be a time that a lot of us are renegotiating those silent agreements that we have made with others. All relationships are based on agreements, but those most troublesome are the agreements that we do not voice. The ones we make unconsciously tend to more binding for us.

Let me take a minute to talk a little bit about loyalty. It is a good time to investigate your own loyalties as we head into the influence of Leo. Loyalty is a virtue, right? Josiah Royce suggests that loyalty is, “the heart of all the virtues, the central duty amongst all the duties.” He proposes, acording to Wikipedia, that it is the basic moral principle from which all other principles are derived.  He goes on to say that loyalty is “the willing and ongoing devotion of a person to a cause that it is not merely a casual interest, but a wholehearted commitment to the cause.”

Wow, sounds good. Basic moral principle, wholehearted commitment, that is good stuff, right?  But I would like you to consider how you might be wired to interpret loyalty.  Within your DNA you may carry the understanding of the word loyalty as it first relaties to the litteral and collective agreement of servitude between a King and his dutiful people. In that first loyalty there was no room for dispute, or even disagreement. If you haven’t done an update recently on loyalty, it may still be programmed in your cognitive brain as a dutiful agreement to something that is NOW in the past. Remember the present is constantly slipping into the past as it proceeds into the future. So any loyalty you have is an agreement to the past.

Now it is fine to be loyal.  In fact, it may be helpful, but my point is that it is only serviceable to the greater good when it is made and kept through your free will.  In other words, it is only useful to the greater good if you want to be loyal.  Consider that loyalty is an abstract quality that may not be physically possible and is more serviceable when viewed as a state of mind or attitude. Any agreements you make are best served from a good attitude or state of mind that includes your free will, and is free of suggestions that compel your behavior.

Right now the universal weather, in the ethers and on planet Earth, is ripe for renegotiation of relationships. Those with yourself, with people, with creatures, with the planet, with your past, with your future.  You name it and you have good support right now for renegotiation. It doesn’t have to be us and them.  We don’t necessarily have to fight change.

Use this time well. Communicate clearly using an assertive communication style. Express your thoughts when you are clear how they resonate with your emotions. Do they match? Or are there inconsistencies in what you think and what you emote? Are you not sure what you emote? What does your body tell you through it’s sensations? Are you sick to your stomach, is you heart racing ahead? Get to the bottom of the inconsistencies? What have you agreed to that undermines your basic sense of self? When you know these answers, you will know the foundation of the problem.  And you will likely have arrived at some past loyalty that no longer serves your best interest or the best interest of those around you.

Get some perspective. Can you ground yourself in the belief that life is a process and not a product? It is to be experienced. It is messy and always welcomes a bit of tidying up. Bring some balance to your life.

Go ahead and clean up those old agreements that are holding you to relationships that are loyal to past beliefs. Respect yourself, respect the other, and renegotiate the old terms. No need to necessarily throw the baby out with the bath water. It is okay. In the end, night follows day and day follows night. It is as it is. Be present to that NOW.


In the midst of what you see as problematic, it can be difficult to recognize the opportunities. I can help you discover a new way of thinking that will assist you in managing and negotiating life’s obstacles. You will find that this new way of thinking provides you opportunities that you hadn’t previously noticed as well as affords you the confidence and desire to live your life in the driver’s seat.

Tami Satterfield, MSW, LCSW-C, NBCCH, HTP is a licensed psychotherapist who practices solution-oriented healing from a deep ecological perspective. Her specialities include hypnosis for anxiety, performance, and creativity. Sessions on-line or in Boulder, Colorado include cutting edge brain therapies that will change the way you think. Learn more at attentiontoliving.com

db7b9fcb75c30e87bc8235fb6e9a8d32“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.” J. Hendrix

We are halfway through the moon cycle and headed towards the full moon in Capricorn on July 19. Things are about to change and we will all best benefit by leading in peace. As we head towards the full moon there is a strong current of feminine energy to help us all prepare.

So let’s get this straight and out of the way. Everyone has or has had breasts; like femininity, they are not gender specific. This brief anatomy lesson reminds you of something you already knew. You, like everybody, have access to, as well as a store of, feminine energy. It is that self-confident, inner strength that is not only receptive and magnetic, but inspires such.

It reminds me how often we humans say, “I just want to feel loved.” It reminds me how often we can feel that desire, that longing. It is not something we just think or say; we feel it deeply. Right between the breasts at the heart center.

If you would like, you can move with this feminine energy all week to prepare and embrace the coming change.

1. Employ feminine energy. Put it to loving use. A kind word to the cashier at the market. Holding the door for another. Sharing joy through laughter.

2. Appreciate a respite from the predictable in favor of following your own intuition. Consider doing something different.  Follow your curiosity.  See things from the perspective of an ant and then a giant.

3. Prepare to receive what your life is soon to offer you. Expect that it will be fruitful no matter. Embrace the perfection of how seemingly imperfect life can sometimes seem. Recognize that it can seem that way until your misconception of it forces you to see it differently.  Then marvel that it can seem perfect again.


In the midst of what you see as problematic, it can be difficult to recognize the opportunities. I can help you discover a new way of thinking that will assist you in managing and negotiating life’s obstacles. You will find that this new way of thinking provides you opportunities that you hadn’t previously noticed as well as affords you the confidence and desire to live your life in the driver’s seat.

Tami Satterfield, MSW, LCSW-C, NBCCH, HTP is a licensed psychotherapist who practices solution-oriented healing from a deep ecological perspective. Her specialities include hypnosis for anxiety, performance, and creativity. Sessions on-line or in Boulder, Colorado include cutting edge brain therapies that will change the way you think. Learn more at attentiontoliving.com

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I saw them coming,
A display of wondrous white balloons.
My anticipation stepped up,
Curious
Like a child, for the floating sound of a far off marching band.

Magically,
They were before me.
Whimsical
White-haired puffs –
Fair mothers, every one of them,

Rhythmically marching on a current air.
Ancient majorettes traveling festively,
Widespread
Twirling their batons
And alluding to cartwheels.

Each a soft note in showy song
That made up a mystical show.
Grand birds,
Covered down and dressed right,
Descending some ancient world.

We were ridiculously charmed.
Hypnotized as we stood facing the sun,
Palms lifted high with the desire to touch one of those sacred feathers.
Our jaws fell open like peasants bowing to an esteemed troop.
We were inflated with joy.

A swell of them billowed past me,
Ghosts with soft, silky white plumes
Belly full and swelled up with life.
Their ceremonial movement
Paraded right through me.

Heads turned,
Witnessed
The dandy strangers parachute to the ground
And disappear, as if they’d never emerged
From the sacred loins of the Cottonwood tree.

6/18/2016
Tami Satterfield, MSW, LCSW-C, NBCCH, HTP is a licensed psychotherapist who practices solution-oriented healing from a deep ecological perspective. Her specialities include hypnosis for anxiety, performance, and creativity. Sessions on-line or in Boulder, Colorado include cutting edge brain therapies that will change the way you think. Learn more at attentiontoliving.com

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How do you write about something that people are afraid to see? How do you expose an undermining, but insidious, practice? How do you change peoples’ minds? How does a civilization heal from the wounds of abuse?

I cried when I read the letter.  The letter the courageous and intelligent woman wrote in response to a recent rape verdict in California.

I can’t even count the number of times I have been sexually harassed or violated. I never stopped to think about it. I never took the time to collect them up and consider their effect upon me. I didn’t want to. When I try now, I remember things I have forgotten, but surprisingly the forgetting of them hasn’t lessened their emotional response in my body. There was the time when I was 13 at a car dealership, there was the time I was 21 in my own apartment, there was the time I was 25 on a downtown street in Baltimore at 4 in the afternoon, when I was dressed in a suit to attend a meeting with the Mayor’s office. Then there is a splattering of random times; lewd remarks and gestures, condescending comments concerning my sexuality, unwelcome touch from people I didn’t know in public places. And still other times.  Times that I am still not comfortable enough with to strike the keys of my computer, to put the letters together to form the words that would make up the sentences of accounts as much as 0ver 40 years ago, but still too fresh to admit.

Yep, my chest is tight. I feel the emotion at my face and I steel myself against tears. It sucks to feel so vulnerable. It hurts to remember being violated simply because someone felt it was their privilege. Why does this happen? This question is most often answered with silence.

In my silence I have been complicit. I have been afraid to admit out loud the things that have happened.  Once at a slumber party, a brave girl told about how someone had hurt her.  A circle of 15 year old girls on sleeping bags stared silently at her until one girl said, “Oh that just happens,” and another echoed her and added, “Don’t make a big deal about it.”  Those girls, like me, perpetuated the silence.  All of us afraid of being judged, afraid of the shame of either what had happened or that we didn’t know how to make it not happen.

Some girls made sense of those experiences by playing them out and crafted their identities around them, some relinquished their senses of security in the world and drew themselves inward, and others, few and unfavored, found ways to speak out against such trespasses.  Honestly, I suppose I have done all three, but where I ended up feeling most whole was simply in the silence of it.   Best to forget about it, best not to make a big deal about it, best to believe it never really happened.  Even now writing this, I fear judgement and criticism.  And not because I have held my tongue, but because I dare suggest that I was hurt by someone’s forward or invasive advances.  Despite being a mandated reported and a trained mental health professional, I still feel doubt about the truth of what I am writing.  “Really?”  Some part of me challenges, “I think you are making this into more than it is.” But I am not.

I remember a discussion after work with a group of coworkers, that led to a particular revelations about the social worker who directed the children’s program at a domestic violence shelter. “You were raped,” we told her and she looked like she was only first learning it, even though a high percentage of the very children she helped had been assaulted themselves. Denial, at first an ally in trauma, but in time an obtuse, thick cloud that distorts our own perceptions about ourselves.

I want to say that while silence allows the perpetration of sexual violence, it is not the cause.  The cause lies in our deep rooted sense of entitlement.  Our percieved right to lord privilege of power over people, animals, and the planet completely destorts our understanding of love and respect.

I cried when I read the letter. I want to tell her that I am deeply sorry for what happen to her and for my small, but significant part in the silence that allowed her to be hurt. I want to say how brave she is, and that I am grateful for and respectful of her strength.  I admire her.

I was raised in a different generation. While the Women’s Movement provided me permission and modeling for speaking out about my right to dignity, I hadn’t been programmed that way. Sex was not a topic for discussion, even as it pertained to procreation.  Sex was alluded to as a woman’s duty.  It was a practical responsibility that straddled a razor-sharp distinction between pleasing a husband and falling into a gutter. Raised Catholic in a small midwestern town, normal feelings of sexual interest or pleasure were diminished to sinful perversions. A female body was either chaste or dirty.

But still, while that does inform my silence, I am over half a century old.  I saw Jodie Foster’s brilliant performance as Cheryl Araujoas in the 1983 gang rape movie called The Accused.  I watched the 1991 televised testimony of Anita Hill.  As a professional and as a woman, I have heard countless stories of sexual violence from woman, men, girls and boys.  I suppose what matters more than my silence now, is joining in with the many voices out there like the young woman who wrote the letter.  She was quoted saying, “This is a reason for all of us to speak even louder.”  And it is.

What is your story?  If you want, tell your story here in whatever way you like. Only this time, we won’t believe that, while the thing that happened is not normal, to talk about it is. It is normal to feel afraid, angry and sad when someone hurts you.  It is normal to tell other people when you are hurt.  It is normal to expose the person who hurt you.

Tami Boehle-Satterfield, MSW, LCSW-C, NBBCH, HTP, a licensed psychotherapist in Boulder Colorado at attentiontoliving.com has challenged herself in 2016 to post weekly about the unpopular topic of abuse. Learn more about Tami at attentiontoliving.com

 

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How do you write about something that people are afraid to see? How to you expose an undermining, but insidious, practice? How do you change peoples’ minds? How does a civilization heal from the wounds of abuse?

Sexual abuse may result in the most pervasive symptomatology, because it is invasive to the body in a very intimate way and often requires the person abused, to disassociate from the experience.  Disassociation means the person detaches physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually from the experience in order that the experience can feel unreal or as if it happened to someone else.  The trauma of sexual abuse is further complicated when the body responds with arousal sensation while being harmed. This confusion, alongside disassociation, leads to cognitive distortions regarding what happened and who holds responsibility for what happened.

Here are 6 important things to assist in healing:

1. Surround yourself with people who forgive, recognize worth and value it, challenge fear, believe in wholesome living, and trust themselves to contribute to the greater good.

2. Forgive yourself for what happened.

3. Recognize your worth and value yourself.

4. Challenge your fears in safe places.

5. Believe in yourself.

6. Trust that you have a purpose in life that is greater then your experience of abuse.

Tami Boehle-Satterfield, MSW, LCSW-C, NBBCH, HTP, a licensed psychotherapist at attentiontoliving.com has challenged herself in 2016 to post weekly about the unpopular topic of abuse. Learn more about Tami at attentiontoliving.com

 

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How do you write about something that people are afraid to see? How to you expose an undermining, but insidious, practice? How do you change peoples’ minds? How does a civilization heal from the wounds of abuse?

Do you believe that sexual intercourse without consent within a marriage or co-habitation doesn’t constitute rape? Think again. In 1993, marital rape became a crime in the US.

Marriage or co-habitation does not free a person’s from seeking permission for sexual intercourse and it does not relinquish a person’s right to say no to the inquiry for sexual intercourse. The expectation to comply to sexual demands is more commonplace then you might imagine. 29% of all reported sexual assaults of adult women were perpetrated by a husband or lover and when domestic violence is part of a relationship, the chances of spousal rape occurring rise by 70%. Because the experience of rape by a partner that you share a bed with often occurs repeatedly, it is confusing to understand or admit that it is rape.  Sex without consent is rape.

Are you someone who is being raped by someone who is suppose to love and care for you? Call 800.656.HOPE (4673) to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area.

Tami Boehle-Satterfield, MSW, LCSW-C, NBBCH, HTP, a licensed psychotherapist at attentiontoliving.com has challenged herself in 2016 to post weekly about the unpopular topic of abuse. Learn more about Tami at attentiontoliving.com

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How do you write about something that people are afraid to see? How to you expose an undermining, but insidious practice? How do you change peoples’ minds? How does a civilization heal from the wounds of abuse?

Girls sexually abused by their mothers, like girls who are not sexually abused by their mothers, often identify strongly with their mothers. This can make it challenging for a girl who has been abused to see her mother as an abuser. Additionally, it can be complicated when a mother has sexual abused her daughter and provided her care that is healthy. This can make it particularly difficult for the girl to discern the difference between abuse and care. After all, she only knows the experience she has had and it is a blend of abuse and care. Children, and many adults, tend to think of matters such as these in extremes – either a mother is an abuser, or she is a caretaker.

It is natural for a girl to look at her mother as a template for herself as mother. Girls who have been sexually abused by their mothers may fear that they will sexual abuse their own children. This can lead them to feel inadequate and fearful as mothers themselves. What otherwise may have been a healthy relationship, is burdened by the fear of incompetence and potential harm. While the cycle of abuse may or may not prevail, interpersonal relationship experiences of intimacy and trust are compromised. Without the opportunity to heal, the wound of abuse is paid forward.

Tami Boehle-Satterfield, MSW, LCSW-C, NBBCH, HTP, a licensed psychotherapist at attentiontoliving.com has challenged herself in 2016 to post week about the unpopular topic of abuse. Learn more about Tami at attentiontoliving.com

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How do you write about something that people are afraid to see? How to you expose an undermining, but insidious practice? How do you change peoples’ minds? How does a civilization heal from the wounds of abuse?

 

The truth of all abuse is stored up in our body.  We can repress this truth, but our body will not deny the truth of it.  This is evidenced through physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual symptomatology.

The truth of all abuse is stored up in our families, our neighborhoods, our communities, our nations, the world, and the infinite universe.  Although we can repress it in all those places, the truth speaks through the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual symptomatology.

Our individual and collective minds can be misled, our understandings confused, our feelings distorted, and but our bodies and the collective bodies of sentient and non-sentient beings contain abuse in it’s pristine form.  Until it is processed, abuse will remain the elephant in the room.  Until we recognize individually and collectively the space it occupies, it will remain largely ignored.  It will remain the obvious, but unaddressed truth, until we individually and collectively process the experience of abuse as destructive and replace the practice of abuse with constructive behavior designed for evolution and not diminution of health and evolution.

Can we believe individually and collectively that it is the law of nature to evolve in health  and wholeness? Rest assured that our individual and collective bodies will not forget, until we individually and collective, forgive ourselves for our propensities towards harm, and act in the wisdom of having done so.

Tami Boehle-Satterfield, MSW, LCSW-C, NBBCH, HTP, a licensed psychotherapist at attentiontoliving.com has challenged herself in 2016 to post week about the unpopular topic of abuse. Learn more about Tami at attentiontoliving.com

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“Hurry up so I can leave you,” that is what this past moon cycle has been about. The pressure had been building through the new moon cycle and reached it’s tipping point for me Sunday morning, just a day before the full moon.

I like Sunday mornings. I stay in bed longer with my half-a-cup of coffee and consider the personal aspects of my life in a wide variety of ways, one that includes social media. This past Sunday morning I opened a response to a post I posted on the neighborhood network. I had asked if anyone knew of a local group concerned with Fluoride in the public water. Folks responded with, what I at first dismissed as, “well intended” messages concerning my misunderstanding about the benefits of Fluoride. I felt a sense of frustration, but reasoned these people meant well, even though it made me feel a tad queasy at the center of my heart.

I was afraid. I was afraid that they were judging me. “It is okay,” I assured myself, “Everyone has the right to their opinion- including me.” I took a deep breath and attempted to clear some of that fear off my chest. “They are only trying to be helpful,” I told myself, but still I was irritated. The irritated part of me pushed forward, “Yes, but why all the help around something I didn’t ask? I didn’t ask to be told what to think. I asked if anyone knew of an organized group for a specific concern.” The reasonable side of me counter, “Yes, but not everyone sees things your way.” “Exactly!” The irritated part of myself said, “And thus my inquiry to discover like minded people!” I took another deep breath, closed my eyes, and on the out breath attempted to balance the squabble brooding within my system. And then, there it was. Right there, in an easy to read Arial font, for all my neighbors and 14 nearby neighborhoods to see. Boldly, in black and white and on an illuminated screen.

“The Fluoride issue has been discussed thoroughly for decades among well educated and informed experts. Where have you been? If you are afraid of Fluoride and don’t believe in science, then go ahead and filter it out. But don’t bust the societal contract we have to protect our public health, particularly of those most vulnerable.”

Ouch! No more room for discussion for a fellow human who has been a lifetime resident of planet Earth? Does my inquiry some how imply that I am uneducated? And when does the level of my education dictate my right to ask a question of my neighbors? Is it a sign of being uninformed to hold a greater interest that includes a diverse collection of experts? Had my question exposed me as some reckless bore who was about to capsize the stability of public health? Oh, yeah! He found my vulnerability. That reptilian-brain fear, that if I am different from you, it is cause for quite the commotion. The likes of “Off with her head,” or “You! Out of the cave. NOW!” Out on my ear with only a rock to defend myself against the packs of Sabre-tooth Tigers.

This is an old fear. It runs through the bloodlines of humanity. I sat in my Sunday morning bed and thought about the past times when people got up-close and personal, looked me over like I was a melon at the market, and then walked away. That kind of judgement, makes it “hard to be green,” as Kermit the Frog would say. It is hard to feel balanced in who your are under such cursory evaluation.

I sat in bed and thought about the difference between, who I am, and who I am suppose to be. Then I thought, who do I want to be? Do I want to be what my fellow neighbor suggests that I am not? Am I what he suggests I am? Or, am I entirely something else? Then again, I thought, does it even matter if I know who I am? Is it even really possible to answer the question of, who am I, since I am always evolving? I was beginning to feel more grounded. Sorting through myself and the distortions of myself was taking a weight off my heart.

My conclusion? What matters more is that I know how I want to behave. Actions may speak louder than words. What I do will vibrate with a greater resonance through the universe, then what I say I am, or am not. The question of “who am I,” is always only answered by the question of “how do I behave.”

Behave the way you want to behave. Trust that what you want is good and wholesome. Trust that what you want is inspired by wisdom and not compelled by fear. Of course, I know that you want to know what I did. Well, I private messaged my fearful neighbor. I introduced myself as a human living with curiosity and an awareness of the organic nature of things. I told him I resided on the third planet from the Sun. I reminded him of my original question, explained that I asked it because I knew other cities had such groups, and then I told him that I was taken aback that my inquiry prompted such a publicly unkind response.

I can’t say that my response was “right.” I can say that it was inspired by my wisdom and not motivated by my fear. I can say that I don’t feel vindicated or afraid now. I feel normal now. I feel whole. I can say, that it just is okay to be me.

Tami Boehle-Satterfield is a psychotherapist who practices dynamic energy psychology therapies that include hypnosis for anxiety. You can learn more about her and her philosophy at attentiontoliving.com

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There are lots of opportunities this week to be misunderstood. With Mercury retrograde today at tight aspects to Aquarius, Mars and Scorpio and a new moon coming on the weekend it might feel a little explosive. This year is all about feet to the fire. There is a lot to be done; after all, this is the year to bring fruition to the things you have been working towards over the last 2 to 3 years. This is the time to come home.

By coming home, I mean returning to the truth of yourself. You might have strayed for any number of reasons or you might have completely abandoned yourself. Regardless of what happened, sometimes coming home can take a circuitous route. It can even be fraught with peril. But anyone who does the work will return all the wiser for the journey.

In all your wisdom, keep in mind that you might not be the only one headed home. You might be surrounded by lots of folks headed home. That level of excitement, trepidation, and even fear, coupled with the astrological influences, might provoke some tempers or, at the least, impatience. Just because your neighbor loses his way, doesn’t mean you need to.

This week mind any moth to the flame tendencies: 1. Keep good perspective. 2. Stay mindfully focused on who you want to be when the going gets rough. 3. Remember what you love in life.

Having trouble jumping from the frying pan to the fire?  Schedule at attentiontoliving.com and learn how to live more mindfully.