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Go Ahead And Do It!


You might remember, I’m not an astrologist but I do like to look at things from lots of different perspectives. It can be helpful to observe life from a cellular level and then all the way out to the ethers. Here’s a snapshot of how you might want to see today’s universal weather.

The moon might be conjuncting Mars and Neptune in Pisces as I write. No matter what, it’s happening. This alongside a slew of planets already retrograde makes clarity a scarce commodity. Wasn’t it Ann Lennox of the Eurythmics who sang, “Sweet dreams are made of cheese.” That’s right, right?

Right now the only thing clear is that communication is messy. This way one moment and that way the next. Whether it’s yourself or others you’re in communication with it’s easy to misunderstand and be misunderstood. Moving forward is in circles. Patience is required. Mind the brainwashing that can come with such polarities.

So why not wake up and smell the roses. Nothing too progressive is happening. Whatever fire is before you, it’s likely been burning like this for a bit. It has its own intelligence now. It’s not yielding. Another way said, it’ll do what it wants. Take the weekend to get away while attending to the party. Whatever that means. How ever that can happen. Weeding, organizing a closet, a walk in the park of solidarity. You see what I mean. Whatever you do, do it with equanimity. Bring balance to the circular progression by staying awake in and enlivened to your life.
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In the midst of what you see as problematic, it can be difficult to recognize the opportunities. I can help you discover a new way of thinking that will assist you in managing and negotiating life’s obstacles. You will find that this new way of thinking provides you opportunities that you hadn’t previously noticed as well as affords you the confidence and desire to live your life in the driver’s seat.

Tami Satterfield, MSW, LCSW-C, NBCCH, HTP is a licensed psychotherapist who practices solution-oriented healing from a deep ecological perspective. Her specialities include hypnosis for anxiety, performance, and creativity. Sessions on-line or in Boulder, Colorado include cutting edge brain therapies that will change the way you think. Learn more at attentiontoliving.com

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I am retarded right now. Hold on, before my declarations gets your hackles up, hear me out. Retard: transitive verb meaning to slow up especially by preventing or hindering advance or accomplishment. But, you might say, as I did think, why use such a loaded word. Load: noun meaning something that weighs down the mind or spirits, a burdensome or laborious responsibility. No, this is not going to be vocabulary lesson, but right now it seems really important to be clear. I am using a word that burdens the mind and spirit and provides a burdensome responsibility because I want you to know that I am currently hindering my own advance and it is of my own doing.

Why would I do that? Well, first of all because I can, and second, because I am afraid. Yep, I am afraid, so I am gonna slow this train down and ride a donkey instead. Seemed like a good idea and it came quite natural to me; that tells me it is something I am good at. But I want to admit to you that when I first did it, I didn’t do it consciously.  It wasn’t until my world began to feel small and a little bit more than scary that I noticed what I had done. I had disconnected.

Yep, unplugged from the greater vibration that does in fact provide me with more information to resolve my internal and external dilemmas. Looking back on it, I can now see how I did it. Seriously robed in black, I stepped out of my chambers up onto my bench and began judging. I scoured the gallery with the eyes and nose of a vigilant rabbit on the lookout for crazy coyotes. And employed with such responsibility you can bet I began to spot them. Low and behold, it was like I was attracting them. That is when I started to think, “Hold on here, what is really going on? How come all I can see is danger? What happened to my peace of mind?”

I love donkeys. Those of you who know me well know that I tended for years a whole herd of those brilliant, kind, and stubborn creatures; but they aren’t the best for riding. So, I am climbing off and getting back on the bus. I am going to sit up front because I want to see where I am going, but right now I am not going to drive. I am going to take the opportunity to rest and remember how to trust in the greater good that, by the way, includes myself.

The Moon is in Mercury in Aquarius today. It may help the uncomfortable feelings from the tight thinking that you may have been expereinceing lately. It is a good time to see the ways you might be attached to the Venus, Mars, Uranus stellium in Aries that is causing fear to incite anger and judgment.  Now is the time because we have a Mercury in Pisces shift coming with the New Moon solar eclipse in Neptune. It is going get emotional.  So do yourself a favor and get ahead of the pack.  Detach from the anger and judgment and intentionally align with that which resonates with the goodness in you. Feel yourself.  Feel the truth of who you really are and not what you think you should be. That is a heavy load even for a pack mule.

Get unburdened. Bring your attention to the ways you are creating a heavy load. Take a look at the map and see where you WANT to go.  Get on the bus headed in that direction. Trust that you might be in good company and that it is safe to take a snooze. Once you are well rested, it is perfectly fine to take the wheel.


In the midst of what you see as problematic, it can be difficult to recognize the opportunities. I can help you discover a new way of thinking that will assist you in managing and negotiating life’s obstacles. You will find that this new way of thinking provides you opportunities that you hadn’t previously noticed as well as affords you the confidence and desire to live your life in the driver’s seat.

Tami Satterfield, MSW, LCSW-C, NBCCH, HTP is a licensed psychotherapist who practices solution-oriented healing from a deep ecological perspective. Her specialities include hypnosis for anxiety, performance, and creativity. Sessions on-line or in Boulder, Colorado include cutting edge brain therapies that will change the way you think. Learn more at attentiontoliving.com

screen-shot-2013-12-02-at-09-28-43-554x523Parting is such sweet sorrow. There is so much desire in the ending of something. The desire to create something new. The desire to return to something unfinished. The desire for change. Desire is the catalyst for creation. When desire operates from a space of love the creation is charged with great significance and embodied with both humanity and divinity.

The planets are aligned under the new moon cycle to provide you with great wisdom at the turning over of time from 2016 to 2017. Use this as an awakening for a great and deliberate desire to make something that makes the world spin steadily on her axis. Deliver into the New Year a perspective that inspires.

That’s all. That is it. That is all I have to say. Go on now. Go do it.

I’ll see you doing it in 2017. I will be beside you doing it, too!  Together we’ll take that cup of kindness for all of auld lang syne and make a meaningful future of it.


In the midst of what you see as problematic, it can be difficult to recognize the opportunities. I can help you discover a new way of thinking that will assist you in managing and negotiating life’s obstacles. You will find that this new way of thinking provides you opportunities that you hadn’t previously noticed as well as affords you the confidence and desire to live your life in the driver’s seat.

Tami Satterfield, MSW, LCSW-C, NBCCH, HTP is a licensed psychotherapist who practices solution-oriented healing from a deep ecological perspective. Her specialities include hypnosis for anxiety, performance, and creativity. Sessions on-line or in Boulder, Colorado include cutting edge brain therapies that will change the way you think. Learn more at attentiontoliving.com

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Metamorphosis of Narcissus 1937 by Salvador Dalí 1904-1989

Things are moving fast behind the scenes right now. You might notice some sensations of this seeping in. It feels uncomfortable. It feels scary. And just so you know, closing your eyes won’t make it go away. In fact just the opposite is true.

I had a dream recently, really it was a nightmare. In the dream, I was met at every turn with perversity. And then I came to a crossroads of sorts. There were two doors. I had two choices. The door to my left was familiar to me. I knew it led to a place that went deeper and deeper into itself. I knew that if I walked the halls of that place, it would morph from a school, to a hospital, to a hotel. I knew that in that place I was always too late and then I always had to wait. That place was always changing, but it was always the same. In my dream I thought, “That place goes no where.”

The door to the right was substantial. It was made of solid old growth oak. It looked inviting, but as I got closer something didn’t feel right. In fact something felt terribly wrong. I turned around and looked from where I had come. That was no good either. The streets behind me were apocalyptic. I was stuck. I couldn’t go to the left, or the right, and I certainly couldn’t turn around.

I am in hell, I thought and the only possible way out was the way I was afraid to explore. I breathed deeply and carefully pushed the big door open just a crack. Yep. As I suspected it was utter and complete darkness, an eternity of pitch black. I looked back to the infernal streets filled with smoke from the fires of hell. There were malevolent people on the hills and zombies in the streets. I was at some edge of darkness. What choice did I have?

I stepped inside the door into the nothingness. There was nothing but nothing. There was nothing at my feet, I hovered in the blackness. Without something beneath my feet it was impossible to advance forward. My heart was racing and my breath was labored. “Breathe,” I told myself. “You can do this,” I counseled even in my sleep. I told myself, “Look into the darkness. Let yourself adjust and see what you can see.” And so I did.

Was there no hope?  Was I to be completely impoverished?  In the utter blackness, it was a horror show. It couldn’t have been worse if it had been Hieronymus Bosch’s Last Judgement. In my dream, I was paralyzed by the fear of some pointed reckoning that seemed to have an infinite trajectory. “Open your eyes,” I told myself. “If you want out of hell, open your eyes.”

The moon has shifted from Scorpio and into Sagittarius. In the thick of it there is always hope of a promising new reality. If the Scorpio energy has lured you deep into your own darkness, the New Moon in Sagittarius can signal you out into our own light. Pay attention with the acute senses of the blind, and then open your eyes to the information you have afforded yourself. See where you are. Find your feet even in the darkest of nights. Get good balance for perspective on your future.

There is no going back. There never was. The past only turns within itself and the future is only an idea of something not yet known. Don’t make it a nightmare. Don’t be an addict. Don’t hang out at crossroads for long. You can have more than two choices. Open your eyes to the dawn of this day. This is where you live your life. Not in the damnation of your past, not in the fear of the unknown future. Right here. Right now. Open your eyes. Open your eyes and move forward.


In the midst of what you see as problematic, it can be difficult to recognize the opportunities. I can help you discover a new way of thinking that will assist you in managing and negotiating life’s obstacles. You will find that this new way of thinking provides you opportunities that you hadn’t previously noticed as well as affords you the confidence and desire to live your life in the driver’s seat.

Tami Satterfield, MSW, LCSW-C, NBCCH, HTP is a licensed psychotherapist who practices solution-oriented healing from a deep ecological perspective. Her specialities include hypnosis for anxiety, performance, and creativity. Sessions on-line or in Boulder, Colorado include cutting edge brain therapies that will change the way you think. Learn more at attentiontoliving.com

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The work ahead is to heal the divide without becoming divided, and the transverse is giving us more then just two ways to do that. The Moon in Pisces, conjunct Neptune could have you feeling disappointed or confused. Saturn in Sagittarius does its best to provide another way to think about things, but Mars in Aquarius objects, and is determined to protest and beat on a whole other drum.

I have been missing in action for a little bit. I went out to mend fences a few weeks ago and got caught up in a deep conversation about areodynamics with the dead. Today, I am making my way out of the rabbit hole. On landing, I see that things are the same and I see that they are different. I think my recent conversation may be helpful.

Life is composed of two seemingly opposed energies. We are taught to live life within the boundaries of these polarities. Am I right? Or am I wrong? What do you think? But it doesn’t matter what you think. What matters, is what you know.

Knowing, like “seeing,” is an intelligence that is acquired when the mind and the body communicate with each other and then with the rest of the transverse. So what do you notice that you know, what do you see? Do you notice a certain emotional experience around an intellectual inquiry? On my recent journey, I noticed that I was afraid to ask the very question I had set out to answer. I felt the fear in a tightening through my chest and the shortness of my breath. “Don’t ask unless you listen,” I was told. Hmm, I thought I could do it, but when it really came time, I knew I wasn’t ready. I could feel the weight of it. I was afraid to say what I wondered out loud.  I was afraid to make it a real query and not just an idea in my head. I knew that saying aloud would release it from the fantasy that I could control it’s outcome, it’s truth. I knew my expression of it would make it real.

I was afraid to listen. I was afraid to hear. I didn’t want to see what the future might hold. I hesitated to move forward. Fear attracts danger and I saw all the possible bad ways this could work out. And then I was told, “If you want to understand, you will have to look into it.” And I heard the words and knew that my quest could never be contained in the boundaries of some intellectual pursuit. What a drag. An idea is fine, but it would take more then musing to make it valuable. The last messenger, impatient or perhaps enthusiastic, shouted at me, “Get out of here, go! Go, go, go!”

Thrusted forward, back into the evolutionary game, up the rabbit hole and out of there. Back here, where Donald Trump is president and the weather in Boulder Colorado is sunny and some men are making a very dusty mess in my house, and Charlie our cat still has no teeth. See what I mean, some things are different and some things are the same.

1. It is not what you think that matters, it is what you know. 
2. Don’t ask, unless you listen. 
3. If you want to understand, you will have to look into it. 
4. Go forward in service of what really matters to you. 

Begin now. Embrace your human-ness while striving for the Divine. This will give you lift. It is not what you think that matters, it is what you know. It may be necessary to see what you think, and then see what you feel, and then see everything in between. If you want to know the answer to the question, you will have to listen to all the information. This will ground you. Sometimes, when things are complex, it is a drag. But that drag serves purpose, it creates a necessity to accept one thing while embracing another. The trajectory forward is found through the resistance of the two opposed energies. In this way, things aren’t always what they seem to be, and in that case, there is always room for things to be different.

Go into the rabbit hole. Travel into the strange trip of your life and be birthed again in the wisdom of greater knowing. Now see what you want to do about it.


In the midst of what you see as problematic, it can be difficult to recognize the opportunities. I can help you discover a new way of thinking that will assist you in managing and negotiating life’s obstacles. You will find that this new way of thinking provides you opportunities that you hadn’t previously noticed as well as affords you the confidence and desire to live your life in the driver’s seat.

Tami Satterfield, MSW, LCSW-C, NBCCH, HTP is a licensed psychotherapist who practices solution-oriented healing from a deep ecological perspective. Her specialities include hypnosis for anxiety, performance, and creativity. Sessions on-line or in Boulder, Colorado include cutting edge brain therapies that will change the way you think. Learn more at attentiontoliving.com

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Mars in Capricorn, Pluto in Scorpio, Uranus in Aries, and the Sun and Mercury in Libra! Holy cow and take me out to the ball game. I don’t care it I ever come back, as long as I can dance.

This continues to be one powerful moon cycle. Can the Cubs take the World Series? Has the curse of the goat been lifted? What about you? Do you think you’ll get a pony? Maybe the moon? Or does it seem your box of Cracker Jack is missing the prize?

Jupiter, with a heart bigger then life, magnified it all – the whole catsatrophe of living. Everything thing is bigger when it is magnified, opportunities and obstacles. So if you noticed it is a little dicey out there, there is good reason.

Electronics faltering, traffic lights failing, email problems, phone issues, never mind the madness it creates when you feel so disconnectedvor misunderstood. What’s up with all that? Remember deep ecology? That is what we are practicing here. Considering our lives from the cellular all the way out to the transversal.  This is not about astrology. This is about living your life in a world that is bigger then you think. It is so big, it  blows your mind. The good news is that sometimes it takes a shattered mind to really see things. You gotta come undone before you can put yourself together.

Where do you really fit in? Do you think you are suppose to fit in somewhere in particular? Is fitting in like finding a prize, if you don’t find it, you don’t fit in?  That is like living in a box.  There are only so many options in a box and usually boxes contain options that are similar.  In a box, you reduce your opportunities. This week consider that the abundance of the “disconnect” that is out there right now, may be of service to you. The fact that you are misunderstood might empower you to embrace the full catstrophe of your life. You might be able to adopt an outlook under these conditions that embodies awe and curiosity for the rich mess of life.  You might find that riding that unpredictable roller coaster ride with all its dilemmas, sorrows, joys, traumas, tragedies, and ironies, is living your life.

Love life.  All all of it, the full catastrophe of it. Don’t fake it like a sentimental greeting card.  Really love it.  Be courageous and love it.  Have a little of that vibration that in language is, “to hell with it all, let’s dance.”  Living your life is the ultimate of living life.

Not sure how to do it?  Start by breathing in for 4, hold for 2, and exhale for 6.  First, let yourself be fully alive in your own breath and then ask your self, “What do I want to do now?”  Now, go do it!!!


In the midst of what you see as problematic, it can be difficult to recognize the opportunities. I can help you discover a new way of thinking that will assist you in managing and negotiating life’s obstacles. You will find that this new way of thinking provides you opportunities that you hadn’t previously noticed as well as affords you the confidence and desire to live your life in the driver’s seat.

Tami Satterfield, MSW, LCSW-C, NBCCH, HTP is a licensed psychotherapist who practices solution-oriented healing from a deep ecological perspective. Her specialities include hypnosis for anxiety, performance, and creativity. Sessions on-line or in Boulder, Colorado include cutting edge brain therapies that will change the way you think. Learn more at attentiontoliving.com

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Hold on to your hats, folks. That stormy three weeks we have just come through? We are about to go back through it backwards. You know what that is like? It is like riding a rollercoaster that eases to a stop and then slowly picks up speed backwards. Whoa! It surely takes you by surprise if you didn’t know and thought the ride was over.

Just like I said earlier this week. Forget about defending yourself against it. Just forget it. Your are buckled in. This ain’t over til it’s over. You bought the ticket, you waited in line, you let the roadie with the lit cigarette dangling from side of her (I am all for gender equality) mouth strap you in. You wanted this. You wanted to feel the thrill of living right up to the edge of death and then coming through those jaws of life. Reborn in the joy and self-satisfaction of your own competence.

So, do it! Just do it these next three weeks. As we cycle back through the spiritual, mental, and emotional turmoil make it into something real. Make it into something you can enjoy. Make it into something serviceable for yourself and everyone around you. Create something. Take those lemons and make lemon meringue pie. I am serious about this. I am so serious. I am so serious, because this is big. This really pays off. So just do it.

Get clear over the weekend. Let Venus opposing Pluto stir up old ideas about love this weekend:  self-love; family love; romantic love; brotherly love. For the love of goodness get clear about what you want to create in the next three weeks. On Sunday, the Moon, Sun, Venus, and Mercury will all be in Cancer. Look for, “things aren’t always what they seem to be” and mind, “I wouldn’t do it for love or money.” On Monday, set your intention with the new moon in Cancer. Ride Mars direct with the new moon in Cancer and clean out those skeletons in your closet once and for all. Take all those bones and make yourself a fancy chandelier and light the place up!

In the midst of what you see as problematic, it can be difficult to recognize the opportunities. I can help you discover a new way of thinking that will assist you in managing and negotiating life’s obstacles. You will find that this new way of thinking provides you opportunities that you hadn’t previously noticed as well as affords you the confidence and desire to live your life in the driver’s seat.

Tami Satterfield, MSW, LCSW-C, NBCCH, HTP is a licensed psychotherapist who practices solution-oriented healing from a deep ecological perspective. Her specialities include hypnosis for anxiety, performance, and creativity. Sessions on-line or in Boulder, Colorado include cutting edge brain therapies that will change the way you think. Learn more at attentiontoliving.com

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Mars goes direct on Wednesday. This is good news, but it might be a bit like an angry crowd demanding access to shelter from the storm, as Mars will go direct conjunct the Moon and Uranus in Aries.

If you have been working hard these past few weeks, you probably have “taken care” of the walking dead of your past, but it can’t hurt to look over your shoulder one last time for any straggling zombies of your past. It might be like one of those movies, you may want to high step it, think fast, and fire with deliberation. The caveat here? Don’t discharge your weapon if you don’t want somebody to get hurt.

We have been in the thick of our defense mechanisms for a few months now. In psychodynamic theory, defense mechanisms are the unconscious, primitive manners in which we think, feel, and act. They serve to defend us from that which we perceive as threatening, like zombies of the past. If you have been paying attention lately, you probably have noticed which of the defense mechanisms is your drug of choice. Is it denial? Maybe, acting out or regressing? How about reaction formation? Compartmentalizing? Projecting, repressing, dissociating, rationalizing, undoing, intellectualizing, regressing, displacing, or rationalizing?  Yep, there is more than one way to get the job done. But now that you know about your zombies and you know how you always ridiculously think you can out run them, now that you know that, you might want to do something else.

How about discharging a coping mechanism instead? My favorite is sublimation. How about consciously turning that impulsive, primitive, fear of zombies into something that changes the storyline for the betterment of yourself and everyone around you. Why not see yourself this week as useful and constructive? Why not be the person who can look curiously at the zoombies and decide mind fully just what you want to do about the zombie troubles. And then it might be okay to go ahead and do it. And then it might be okay to go ahead and exit the scene of the walking dead stage left.

But wait, there is more. We are not done yet. We’ve still got to create the post-apocalyptic world. So take a few minutes to write it down, sketch it out, or daydream your fantasy about the deadly zombies. This time, let the story go. Let it play itself out. Let it re-invent itself. Then, YOU, yes YOU, go see if it is possible to turn that story into a wonderful meal, a beautiful pot of flowers, a zombie free night out, a good bike ride, a hike in the woods, a swim in the river. You get what I mean, transform that zombie energy into something you can use and then channel that into to something you can create. It might be a good thing if the future isn’t what it used to be.

In the midst of what you see as problematic, it can be difficult to recognize the opportunities. I can help you discover a new way of thinking that will assist you in managing and negotiating life’s obstacles. You will find that this new way of thinking provides you opportunities that you hadn’t previously noticed as well as affords you the confidence and desire to live your life in the driver’s seat.

Tami Satterfield, MSW, LCSW-C, NBCCH, HTP is a licensed psychotherapist who practices solution-oriented healing from a deep ecological perspective. Her specialities include hypnosis for anxiety, performance, and creativity. Sessions on-line or in Boulder, Colorado include cutting edge brain therapies that will change the way you think. Learn more at attentiontoliving.com

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How do you write about something that people are afraid to see? How do you expose an undermining, but insidious, practice? How do you change peoples’ minds? How does a civilization heal from the wounds of abuse?

I cried when I read the letter.  The letter the courageous and intelligent woman wrote in response to a recent rape verdict in California.

I can’t even count the number of times I have been sexually harassed or violated. I never stopped to think about it. I never took the time to collect them up and consider their effect upon me. I didn’t want to. When I try now, I remember things I have forgotten, but surprisingly the forgetting of them hasn’t lessened their emotional response in my body. There was the time when I was 13 at a car dealership, there was the time I was 21 in my own apartment, there was the time I was 25 on a downtown street in Baltimore at 4 in the afternoon, when I was dressed in a suit to attend a meeting with the Mayor’s office. Then there is a splattering of random times; lewd remarks and gestures, condescending comments concerning my sexuality, unwelcome touch from people I didn’t know in public places. And still other times.  Times that I am still not comfortable enough with to strike the keys of my computer, to put the letters together to form the words that would make up the sentences of accounts as much as 0ver 40 years ago, but still too fresh to admit.

Yep, my chest is tight. I feel the emotion at my face and I steel myself against tears. It sucks to feel so vulnerable. It hurts to remember being violated simply because someone felt it was their privilege. Why does this happen? This question is most often answered with silence.

In my silence I have been complicit. I have been afraid to admit out loud the things that have happened.  Once at a slumber party, a brave girl told about how someone had hurt her.  A circle of 15 year old girls on sleeping bags stared silently at her until one girl said, “Oh that just happens,” and another echoed her and added, “Don’t make a big deal about it.”  Those girls, like me, perpetuated the silence.  All of us afraid of being judged, afraid of the shame of either what had happened or that we didn’t know how to make it not happen.

Some girls made sense of those experiences by playing them out and crafted their identities around them, some relinquished their senses of security in the world and drew themselves inward, and others, few and unfavored, found ways to speak out against such trespasses.  Honestly, I suppose I have done all three, but where I ended up feeling most whole was simply in the silence of it.   Best to forget about it, best not to make a big deal about it, best to believe it never really happened.  Even now writing this, I fear judgement and criticism.  And not because I have held my tongue, but because I dare suggest that I was hurt by someone’s forward or invasive advances.  Despite being a mandated reported and a trained mental health professional, I still feel doubt about the truth of what I am writing.  “Really?”  Some part of me challenges, “I think you are making this into more than it is.” But I am not.

I remember a discussion after work with a group of coworkers, that led to a particular revelations about the social worker who directed the children’s program at a domestic violence shelter. “You were raped,” we told her and she looked like she was only first learning it, even though a high percentage of the very children she helped had been assaulted themselves. Denial, at first an ally in trauma, but in time an obtuse, thick cloud that distorts our own perceptions about ourselves.

I want to say that while silence allows the perpetration of sexual violence, it is not the cause.  The cause lies in our deep rooted sense of entitlement.  Our percieved right to lord privilege of power over people, animals, and the planet completely destorts our understanding of love and respect.

I cried when I read the letter. I want to tell her that I am deeply sorry for what happen to her and for my small, but significant part in the silence that allowed her to be hurt. I want to say how brave she is, and that I am grateful for and respectful of her strength.  I admire her.

I was raised in a different generation. While the Women’s Movement provided me permission and modeling for speaking out about my right to dignity, I hadn’t been programmed that way. Sex was not a topic for discussion, even as it pertained to procreation.  Sex was alluded to as a woman’s duty.  It was a practical responsibility that straddled a razor-sharp distinction between pleasing a husband and falling into a gutter. Raised Catholic in a small midwestern town, normal feelings of sexual interest or pleasure were diminished to sinful perversions. A female body was either chaste or dirty.

But still, while that does inform my silence, I am over half a century old.  I saw Jodie Foster’s brilliant performance as Cheryl Araujoas in the 1983 gang rape movie called The Accused.  I watched the 1991 televised testimony of Anita Hill.  As a professional and as a woman, I have heard countless stories of sexual violence from woman, men, girls and boys.  I suppose what matters more than my silence now, is joining in with the many voices out there like the young woman who wrote the letter.  She was quoted saying, “This is a reason for all of us to speak even louder.”  And it is.

What is your story?  If you want, tell your story here in whatever way you like. Only this time, we won’t believe that, while the thing that happened is not normal, to talk about it is. It is normal to feel afraid, angry and sad when someone hurts you.  It is normal to tell other people when you are hurt.  It is normal to expose the person who hurt you.

Tami Boehle-Satterfield, MSW, LCSW-C, NBBCH, HTP, a licensed psychotherapist in Boulder Colorado at attentiontoliving.com has challenged herself in 2016 to post weekly about the unpopular topic of abuse. Learn more about Tami at attentiontoliving.com

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We are all liars.  It sounds grim, I know, but it is true.  It starts with the lies we tell ourselves, and those begin about the time we learn the meaning of the word “no.”  

“What? This is an outrage!  What do you mean that I can’t have what I want?”  We drop to the ground, fists pounding the earth, feet kicking furiously against the injustice of it all.

What we are really objecting to is the realization that we are not singular, separate, or fixed.  The truth is that we exist experientially, and this causes us to resist the physical reality of that very situation.  Why?  Because if we admitted to ourselves that we were, in fact, not singular, separate, or fixed, it would mean that we are of the collective and therefore are dynamic.  And what does that mean to us?  It means that our limbic brain and our neocortex have conspired to convince us to lie to ourselves about the 100% truth of the greatest matter concerning our existence: WE ARE GOING TO DIE.  We are.  I am sorry if this is the first you are hearing this fact.

This could be a tough week to learn that we are going to die: with Neptune turning retrograde and increasing that mutable T-square; with Mars in Scorpio going for the jugular; and with Mercury, Gemini, and Saturn playing head games.  There is more, but do we really need to hear more?  Isn’t it enough to be confronted this week with the greatest lie of all, the one where we convince ourselves everyday that we are not going to die. 

This fundamental fact (I won’t say it again, but you know to which that I am referring) is balanced by our fundamental mind-skewing that allows our reptilian brains to let us go about living while we are able.  How else would we get out of bed?  

How do we do it?  How do we lie to ourselves?  Do we deaden our reality with mindaltering practices, the likes of more then just drugs, alcohol, and food?  Are we caught up in the distractions of how to measure the polarities of good and bad or right and wrong?  Or are we drinking some concoction that allows us to defend against the truth of our own mortality by projecting our own entitlement above all?  Ouch!  But if that sounds harsh, we might want to consider why it packs such a punch.  Just because we figured out how to get out of bed and rise above the truth of our own existence, that doesn’t mean that we are entitled.

Bottom line: the point of this week is not to wreak havoc on our life. The point of this week is to confront our perpetual ignorance.  Let Scorpio take us deep into it.  And this week let’s not just consider it, let’s let the warrior in Mars guide us to confront our own mortalities. This week, let’s fight for our lives for the sake of all goodness.  And then – yes I am a little fired up here – and then let’s decide, and I mean decide, for the sake of of it all decide, each of us decide, “What do we want to do about it?”  What do we want to do about the fact that we are alive on planet earth.  We are not singular; we are a part of a greater ecosystem.  We are not separate; we are a part of a greater ecosystem.  We are not fixed; we are dynamic in a dynamic ecosystem.  

So here it is. The truth of it all always eludes us. How could we possible know anything for certain? We are a part of something so big we can’t even fathom it. And if that doesn’t blow your mind – this stupendous thing we are a part of  – it is changing all the time. And at the same time that it is always changing –  we are always changing too.  Holy smokes, for sure!  

This week let’s drop the idealistic veil, stop distracting ourselves and get real.  Let’s prepare to die with honor, dignity, and love. Let’s stop stepping on ants and pretending that it doesn’t matter.  Let’s stop perpetuating small acts of self-hostility that lead to big shifts in the collective consciousness. Let’s live with honor, dignity and love.  After all, that is the only way to prepare to die a good death.

Okay, this is almost over.  I think I hear hubby coming down the hall.  He will help me up off the floor. Besides my fists are feeling a bit raw and I think I scuffed my pedicure.

 

In the midst of what you see as problematic, it can be difficult to recognize the opportunities. I can help you discover a new way of thinking that will assist you in managing and negotiating life’s obstacles. You will find that this new way of thinking provides you opportunities that you hadn’t previously noticed as well as affords you the confidence and desire to live your life in the driver’s seat.

Tami Satterfield, MSW, LCSW-C, NBCCH, HTP is a licensed psychotherapist who practices solution-oriented healing from a deep ecological perspective. Her specialities include hypnosis for anxiety, performance, and creativity. Sessions on-line or in Boulder, Colorado include cutting edge brain therapies that will change the way you think. Learn more at attentiontoliving.com