The Sun, Moon, Mercury, Saturn and Uranus form a Grand Trine in the Fire signs today. Everything is moving forward, even if it is a surprise. But I wasn’t really surprised in the wee hours of the morning when I knew that Martin was on the move. Martin was our twentysomething cat. I knew it was coming. I knew it like the way you can feel about an medical procedure: necessary, but painful. But all that fire in the celestial sky draws in air and it is a good thing too. I am grateful for my breath assisting me through my mourning this morning.
This is not the post I thought I would be writing today, but my life progressed. It moved forward. Martin’s passing is teaching me gratitude. That, I did not see coming, but thankfully, my short sight doesn’t undermine the lesson I am learning.
Today’s lesson: I cared for this creature boldly, saved his life twice and was with him until the end. He in turn, allowed me my competence. He graciously allowed me to care for him, to save his life, to love him. We collaborated. He cared for me, saved my life, and loved me back.
Moving forward can sometimes feel like the end of something. It can feel that way, because it is. But you can’t move forward without putting time and space between the past and the present. It just can’t be done. No way, now how. Sorry, just stating the facts. Martin’s departure has an obvious ending, but more interesting is the promising beginning. For Martin, for me, for even you and you maybe didn’t even know Martin.
Martin’s service is greater than I can know today. I cared well for him over the years, but it pales to the over whelming gratitude I feel today in recognizing that I am losing something I love more profoundly then I even knew.
The complexity of grief is more than an attachment to some expectation about Martin and me. It is the knowing, in my bones, that I have loved and have been loved. It is the giving over to the fear and finding my way to trust in the simplicity of the circle: beginning, becoming, ending, loss of becoming, transubstantiation of loss, rebirth, and begin again.
Hmm, it is humbling for sure. But that too, has purpose. It is only in humility that rebirth is born.
Move forward fearlessly. Welcome the whole catastrophe. See your life in it’s wholeness. Mind seeing it as separate or definitive. And if you like, look out the window tonight and wish Martin a safe and fruitful journey.
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